So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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