oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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