I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone came in the potted fern
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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