My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
