Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
