She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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