Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
