Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
