dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
