i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
