My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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