Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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