your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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