I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
