Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
