Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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