Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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