You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
