He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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