you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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