OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
