Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
