Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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