I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
