Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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