I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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