My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
