Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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