In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
