"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hate all girls vehemently.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh god it's open bar.
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