Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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