and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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