the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
