I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
