Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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