break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
