So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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