I'm drive I can fine osifer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
