Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
