Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
