My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
