I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
