He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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