these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I pour the whiskey from now on
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
