People with herpes should wear stickers.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
