yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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