She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
