First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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