ya dads aren't the best wingmen
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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