Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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