Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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